This guide is written by the publisher of the Emotion Wheel app. You can read it without the app; we mention the app where it helps. Who writes it?
Find the Word
“I'm not OK,” but what exactly? Studies suggest that putting a precise word on what you feel helps you cope with it, and that it can be learned. Here are seven ways in, each with what research shows and what it doesn't.
Before you start
Three things research has observed, and two words of caution.
In lab studies, putting a feeling into words (“I'm scared”) seems to dampen the brain's and the body's reaction, even without trying to calm down, and not always in a way you can feel.
Torre and Lieberman, 2018 · Kircanski, Lieberman and Craske, 2012
In studies that follow people through their daily lives, those who tell “disappointed”, “hurt” and “ashamed” apart turn less to drinking or aggression when things go badly.
Noting how you feel several times a day for a few weeks, or learning emotion words with their definitions, seems to help, modestly, in telling emotions apart. Studies are still few and small.
Hoemann, Barrett and Quigley, 2021 · Widdershoven et al., 2019 · Vedernikova, Kuppens and Erbas, 2021
A word isn't a cure. Naming an emotion right before trying to see it differently can make that effort work less well, at least in the moment. And using many different words for bad feelings goes with more distress, not less. Telling feelings apart may matter more than piling up words, but that's still unproven.
Nook, Satpute and Ochsner, 2021 · Vine, Boyd and Pennebaker, 2020
Some days, all you notice is a knot in your stomach. Other days, the word comes on its own. Two researchers described five steps. We each have a usual step, but we move up and down from one moment to the next.
“My throat feels tight.”
“I feel bad, I want to leave.”
“I'm sad.”
“I'm sad, and relieved too.”
“I'm relieved, but a bit guilty; I think she's disappointed and worried.”
The seven ways below don't all start from the same step: some start from the body, others from the urge to act or a first word. Pick the one you can reach today. Surveys in Finland and Germany suggest that about one person in ten finds it much harder to put feelings into words. It isn't a diagnosis, but a trait that varies from one person to another.
Lane and Schwartz, 1987 · Lane and Smith, 2021 · Mattila et al., 2006 · Franz et al., 2008 · Parker et al., 2008
Each one fits in a question and takes two minutes to try. None works for everyone: try two or three.
Stop for ten seconds. Where do you feel something: your throat, chest, stomach, jaw, shoulders? Is it tight, heavy, warm, restless? Describe the sensation before looking for the word.
Asked to color in, on a body outline, where they felt activity rise or fall, 701 people, mostly Finnish, drew maps that change from one emotion to another; two small groups of Swedish and Taiwanese speakers drew similar ones. These are drawings of what people feel, not body measurements.
Answer without thinking. Unpleasant and agitated: you're tense. Pleasant and agitated: fired up. Unpleasant and calm: low. Pleasant and calm: at ease. The word you're looking for is in that corner.
These two axes can place most emotion words on a single map. They give a neighborhood, not an address: anger and fear sit side by side.
In the appThese are its first two questions, free.
Start from a broad word: fear, anger, sadness, joy. Then narrow it down: irritated, frustrated or exasperated? Try each word in the sentence “I feel…” and keep the one that rings true.
Wheels and word lists are everywhere, in therapy and at school, but we found very few studies measuring what they change. Their support comes mostly from the studies on the precise word, above.
In the appIts wheel: 138 emotions, a definition for each, free.
Finish the sentence: “What happened was…, and for me it means…” A loss? A threat? An obstacle? Something unfair? The same news can sadden one person and anger another: the meaning you give it shapes much of the emotion.
It's the central idea of a major school in the psychology of emotion: each emotion answers a way of reading the situation, sadness a loss, fear a threat, anger a wrong. Researchers still debate it.
In the appThe question “What triggered it?”, in the full version.
If nothing held you back, right now: move closer, lash out, run away, hide, make amends, freeze? The urge helps tell apart emotions that look alike: shame often makes you want to hide, guilt to make amends.
For the psychologist Nico Frijda, an emotion is first of all an urge to act, whether or not you give in to it. It's also the second of the five steps.
Frijda et al., 2014 · Frijda, Kuipers and ter Schure, 1989 · Tangney, Stuewig and Mashek, 2007
In the appThe question “What do you feel like doing?”, in the full version.
For one minute, silently name what goes by, without judging it or trying to change it: “there's tension”, “there's worry”. Saying “there's” rather than “I am” leaves a little room.
In one small study, among people who pay more attention to the present moment, naming the emotion on a face went with a weaker response in an alarm area of the brain. Mindfulness exercises, for their part, have rarely been tested one piece at a time.
Tonight, write three lines: what happened, what you felt, the most accurate word. Do it again tomorrow. After a week, read it back.
Putting what you go through into words, mostly in writing, has on average a real but small effect, according to 146 studies pooled together. And noting what you feel often seems to help in telling emotions apart.
In the appIts journal, which stays on your iPhone; writing in it takes the full version.
Our app
A wheel of 138 emotions with a one-sentence definition for each, questions that start from what you feel, and a journal that stays on your iPhone. Free, with a subscription to go further.
It helps you put a word on what you feel; it doesn't replace a professional.
If you're not doing well
Don't wait to ask for help: talk to someone you trust or to a health professional. In an emergency, call your local emergency services.
The studies cited on this page, in the order they appear.